Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Journey to McDonaldland

Lately, my boyfriend and I have been discussing/joking/wanting to be like the classic McDonald's characters. There is no logical reason behind our greasy- food- marketing character discussions. It is most likely because I found my Grimace shirt a few weeks. Or is it because I am just insane enough to own a Grimace shirt? Yes and Yes!
Anyway, these characters are simply awesome and filled with nostalgia for almost everyone who has enjoyed a Happy Meal in the last 40 years. As an adult I still enjoy the occasional Happy Meal but usually only if I am not sober and it's anytime between midnight-3 a.m. Why 3 a.m? Because you can get a freakin' Egg McMuffin then!

These characters are perhaps some of the best children's marketing ever embedded into our sweet little brains. Who doesn't love a cheeseburger mayor, a weird purple shape, a creepy clown, cute little chicken nuggets? An evil bastard that's who!
Ronald McDonald has the subject of nightmares for years but his McDonaldland cohorts are a little less threatening. For the most part.

Mayor McCheese

The esteemed Mayor of McDonal land. Who wouldn't vote for him? I know I would. Although there is a possibility that he might have been an evil beef head dictator. I look forward to his autobiography.

Fry Kids

They look like something that should be cleaning your car instead of fries. Probably my least favorite character. If French Fries actually tasted the way these things looked, America would the be least fattest country.

First let's start our decision of Grimace off with WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?! Does anyone know what he is? Actually, I do. He is a taste bud that represents milkshakes. Because my taste buds are purple. My taste buds do like milkshakes so I guess Mickey D's was on the something. Grimace has a sordid history. He began his life as an evil food stealer and somewhere along the way executives decided to make him a lovable purple blob. That's right kids, Grimace was a meanie.
Observe this poor quality vintage commercial.

Like he wasn't creepy enough.

Clearly, the most badass of all the McDonaldland characters.He steals burgers from kids.What's not to love? And his outfit is ready-made for prison. I wonder how many stupid kids actually stole hamburgers because Hamburglar does? I am sure many did. I look forward to their parents suing McDonald's for it.

Because a giant bird is somehow related to fast food? Unless it is McDonald's not so subtle way of letting us know what's really in those Big Macs. According to the McDonaldland Wiki page, a giant egg fell from the sky into McDonaldland and Ronald grew to love the egg and thus loved Birdie when she hatched. So she is a fast food-loving-Big-Bird-Rip off alien? Sounds about right.

The Chicken McNuggets
They happen to be favorite because I actually remember when they first appeared. What I wouldn't do to have my Chicken McNugget toys (see picture) back.

Clearly, the least creepy of the McDonalds characters.

We are not even going to discuss Ronald McDonald. His rape van is parked outside your house right now and he is listening to you shower while he makes you a Roofie McFlurry.
Seriously, he is scary.

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